Food Courting vs. Food Courted

The Food Court itself is somewhat of a magnificent creation; A place where many of the world's nations co-exist in perfect culinary harmony, complimenting each others strengths. The Food Court, you might say, is the symbol of international peace. Open to all, rejecting none. Examples include Japanese, Indian (new), Chinese, American, French (Cajun), Italian, etc. The revered United Nations could certainly take a page out of the "Food Court's" cook book:).

Now, I have been at the occasional mall where there is no food court. These are the kind of malls where normal people like you and me can't even afford to park our cars, let alone shop. One such mall is the Short Hills Mall in NJ. They obviously reject the thought that international piece can be found in the fact that McDonald's and Kabuki Sushi & Teriyaki share a wall, or that a citizen could buy pizza at Sbarro's while enjoying an Orange Julius on his/her same plastic tray. I don't think we should allow this civil injustice in our shopping malls.

Still, the one thought that always causes me pause, is whether the Food Court is "courting" me, or if I'm "courting" it. You may be in the same quandary, asking yourself the same question, so I invite you to hear arguments from both sides and then make up your own mind.

Food Courted-
On one hand they (mall architects, I guess) have me before I even get to the food court. When my wife and I decide that we are going to the mall, and will dine (strong word. "Eat" may be better) there, I get all crazy inside. The thought of all the different eating possibilities run through my mind. Do I go to one place? Do I mix and match? Do I try something new or do I stay with the old standby? My creative and intestinal juices are already flowing. So you could say, they have me at "hello". They have begun the courting.

Then they have the atmosphere going for them. It's loud and confusing with lots of bright neon lights, menus, and sumptions smells. The menus are so diverse and extensive, my head is spinning. They often verbally call out to you and take you off guard. Why are they call to me? Is there no one else that wants their food? Beware of the "call out". This could mean they've got nothing good and will do whatever it takes to make a sale. It's as low as whistling at a prettying young lady walking down the street.

What about this phenomena? Try going up to a counter that doesn't have any people in line and the whole staff is staring at you but you aren't interested in anything they have. You can't just walk away....I mean what a devastating blow to their ego. This is a trick they use to "court" you into buying/eating their food.

The last and most dangerous move has been perfected by the Asian store owners. It's simply called the "Sample". They jump in front of you and take advantage of your vulnerability. They throw a javelin, ok a toothpick, in your face with a sample of their best dish. Me? You really want me to try out your specialty? I'm flattered. See they got you. I mean, they are laying it on pretty think, don't you think?

Food Courting
The opposite of being "Courted" is to be the one that does the Courting. This is not for everyone. It requires a very cool disposition, kind of like Fonzie. You need to be oblivious to the tactics mentioned above.

Courting professionals do not make eye contact with the workers. Rather, they do what I call the "elevator". This is when you stare at the menu, but never make eye contact with anyone else, and move from counter to counter, never letting them see the whites of your eyes. It's similar to when you are in the elevator and no one is talking or looking at each other...They just watch the numbers light up, floor by floor.

Another classic "courting" technique is to mix and match. This is when you buy an entree from one store, but buy a soda or dessert from another. This drives them crazy, but puts you in a position of power. This is also just plain smart food courting. You may want the Gereral Tso's from the Chinese place, but you also want a Coke, and they are a Pepsi shop. Do not be weak. You have to be strong in this situation. You have to be able to walk away with just the General, no Pepsi. You can get Coke at the next counter. Remember, be Fonzie!

Lastly, you have to be able to resit the "sample". If you are like me, once you try the sample, there is no going back. The best laid Food Court plans are ruined by the sample. Again, I recommend not making eye contact. However, this is a dangerous move and should not be attempted by the inexperienced. I've seen a lot of rookies try to "look off" the sample guy and take a toothpick in the arm. Man Down. Poor guy, he never had a chance.

I hope this blog gave you all something to think about the next time you go to one of our great american institiutions, the Food Court.